there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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