I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
