it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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