I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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