I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
