In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
