it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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