anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
