He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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