Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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