I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
