Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
