if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
