my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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