Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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