It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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