for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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