So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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