Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
