its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sext me about skeletons
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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