Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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