saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
