shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
