1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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