question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
