Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
