Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
