This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
