Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
