I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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