we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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