i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
