You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
