Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
