I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
