he puts the penis in happiness.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
