i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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