I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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