Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
