you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
