I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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