Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
