hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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