My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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