while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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