Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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