it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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