Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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