Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
