Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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