i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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