Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
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I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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