it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
