There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
did i just pee glitter
How drunk are you?
Completed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
