just tell him i said nine months
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
