I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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