Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
