I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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