ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
