There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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