It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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