You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
