Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
