you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
