I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The air was thick with penises
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
