I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize