haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dignity is for republicans.
My liver just had a heart attack.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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