I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
